Worst To Best: Movie Prequels
Again from the top…
Carlito's Way: Rise To Power (2005)
The Prequel: Director Michael Bregman harts the rise (there it is) to power of Carlito Brigante (Jay Hernandez) as Harlem's heroin kingpin.
Why It's Grim: Hernandez forgets to play Carlito, instead doing a bizarre impression of Al Pacino that completely upends the film despite its best intentions. Just odd.
Worst Link To The Original: Hitman Luiz Guzman makes an appearance, but by this point we're beyond caring.
Psycho IV: The Beginning (1990)
The Prequel: A made-for-TV root through the past of Norman Bates that exposes his bizarre relationship with his mother.
Why It's Grim: It's all just a bit unnecessary - much of the power of Hitchcock's original lies in its ability to suggest without ever explicitly spelling it out. Psycho IV spells out every letter.
Worst Link To The Original: An increasingly withered-looking Anthony Perkins.
Hannibal Rising (2007)
The Prequel: Did you know Hannibal Lecter was once a young man? Peter Webber reminds us of that fact with his adaptation of the equally unnecessary Thomas Harris novel, which tracks Lecter's story from the age of eight.
Why It's Grim: There's gore galore, but this is little more than a by-numbers revenge drama. Also, despite its selling point being the unravelling of Lecter's murky past, Hannibal Rising offers zero real insight into the character. A missed opportunity.
Worst Link To The Original: That ruddy mask.
The Scorpion King (2002)
The Prequel: The story of Mathayus (Dwayne Johnson), the warrior who'll one day go on to become a big, scary scorpion beastie (as seen in The Mummy Returns ).
Why It's Grim: It wants to be a big, fun action-adventure flick. Problem: better action-adventure flicks have already been made, and Scorpion King pales in comparison. It's plodding, predictable and often preposterous.
Worst Link To The Original : Well, Johnson...
Alien Vs Predator (2004)
The Prequel: Turns out Earth's been visited by aliens before - they event built a pyramid here, which is now buried under tons of Arctic ice. A team of scientists go in to explore…
Why It's Grim: Paul WS Anderson rips up the filmmaking rule book for a film that has no tension, no scares, and no reason to exist other than seeing two iconic aliens go claw to claw. It's a gooey, insulting mess.
Worst Link To The Original: We get a 'surprise' final heroine in the form of Alexa Woods, and although she's decent, it just makes us think wistfully of Ripley.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006)
The Prequel: A prequel set four years before the 2003 remake, which tracks how young Thomas Hewitt turned into Leatherface.
Why It's Grim: Like we care! Filling in the backstories of villains is the fatal flaw of many prequels, and TCM: The Beginning is no different. All we want to see is mental ol' Leatherface branding a chainsaw. The rest is just excess fat.
Worst Link To The Original: Just… all of it.
Exorcist: The Beginning (2004)
The Prequel: Fourth instalment in the increasingly creaky Exorcist franchise. This one follows Father Merrin (Stellan Skarsgård), whose faith is shaken by WW2.
Why It's Grim: Production on this beleaguered prequel was legendarily as tortuous as any demonic possession.
It's a film that has the dubious honour of boasting two different cuts from two different directors (Renny Harlin did The Beginning , Paul Schrader made Dominion: Prequel To The Exorcist ), both of which earned almost universal condemnation.
Worst Link To The Original: The possessed individual looks like a crack addict with a throat problem.
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The Thing (2011)
The Prequel: Set before the events of John Carpenter's film, this similarly icy horror uncovers what happened to the Norwegian team who discover alien life in Antarctica.
Why It's Grim: Director Matthijs van Heijningen not only steals Carpenter's title, he also steals his bag of tricks, creating basically the exact same film - only this time there's a woman (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) in the mix. Ropey.
Worst Link To The Original: The icky body transformations - here full-on CGI, naturally.
Halloween (2007)
The Prequel: Rob Zombie goes back to the beginning to discover why Michael Myers turned into the bogeyman.
Why It's Grim: Myers looks the part - grubby boiler suit, one of the series' best masks - but Rob Zombie's film completely does away with the spooky nuance of John Carpenter's original in favour of so-called white trash social commentary. Painful.
Worst Link To The Original: T he three girls that were pivotal to the plot of the original (Laurie Strode and co) are bundled into this film's final act.
Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)
The Prequel: Highly-anticipated and highly-disappointing return for the Star Wars franchise, as George Lucas charts the rise of Darth Vader.
Why It's Grim: With its bloated (and unnecessary) use of CGI, there's a serious lack of charm to Menace . On top of that, the performances are all wooden as a kitchen table, and there's a disturbing amount of racism going on.
Also: Jar Jar.
Worst Link To The Original: "I can assure you they will never get me onto one of those dreadful starships," whines C3PO. Oh, how we laughed.
Josh Winning has worn a lot of hats over the years. Contributing Editor at Total Film, writer for SFX, and senior film writer at the Radio Times. Josh has also penned a novel about mysteries and monsters, is the co-host of a movie podcast, and has a library of pretty phenomenal stories from visiting some of the biggest TV and film sets in the world. He would also like you to know that he "lives for cat videos..." Don't we all, Josh. Don't we all.