31. Brink of Consciousness: The Lonely Hearts Murders
Never before has a corpse looked so heart-throbbingly wistful. If it wasn't for this dead fella's enchantingly apathetic expression, my eyes would have a panic attack trying to decide what I should be looking at. Mystery Masters? Collector's Edition? Brink of Consciousness? The Lonely Hearts Murders? Four stars from gamezebo.com? A golden locket? Viva Media? Who will be the next victim?? WHAT DOES THIS BOX ART WANT FROM ME?!
30. Myths of Orion: Light from the North
I'LL HAVE WHATEVER HE'S HAVING! AM I RIGHT, UNCANNY VALLEY GRANDMA!?
29. European Fishing
I'm not sure what differentiates European fishing from fishing anywhere else in the world - but if the neon-green graffiti font is any indication, it's a heck of a lot more radical. I suppose I should've already guessed that, seeing as the box art depicts a shadowy figure riding on the back of a colossal sea bass.
28. Sonic Boom: Rise of Lyric
Everything about this box art feels so half-hearted, as if Sonic and his pals aren't really thrilled to be here. Having played fifteen minutes of their latest game, I can hardly blame them.
27. Rugby 15 (United Kingdom)
Move over, FIFA: there's a new king of box art that makes professional athletes look like spatially unaware buffoons. Yes, football players look strange when their feats of ball-kicking grace are Photoshopped out of context - but rugby, and Rugby 15 in particular, ups the awkward face-and-pose combo to hitherto unseen heights. Take the UK's box art, for instance, where three clones show off their physical capabilities. Of them, one cannot grow facial hair while another cannot purse his lips - meaning that the fellow on the right is clearly the superior specimen.
26. Rugby 15 (South America)
The expressions on these faces perfectly encapsulate the emotional progression of crapping your pants, from 'Surprise' to 'Self-consciousness' and finally 'A mix of relief and anguish at the thought of what to do next'.
25. Rugby 15 (North America)
'OH SHIT, it's the cops! Make a break for it, boys! Split up - that way, they can only catch one of us! And quick - grab the rugby ball filled with cocaine before they bust down the door!'
24. Fable of Dwarfs
If this box art taught me anything, it's that 'dwarfs' is just as acceptable a pluralization as 'dwarves'. Sadly, it didn't teach me how to feel any ounce of compassion or empathy for these virtual, four-fingered, blocky-bearded imps and their so-called 'problems'.
23. Falling Skies: The Game
Our hero Tom Mason has just looked up to the most horrifying realization imaginable: he's starring in the Falling Skies video game. And like any courageous leader, he's hoping that he can blast the logo out of the air before his compatriots notice it, so that they may continue to live life in blissful ignorance.
22. Emergency 5 Deluxe Edition
I can appreciate the contrast of the oranges and blues here, as well as the determined look in the eyes of this cop/firefighter/person who is manlier than I ever will be. But what I want to call your attention to is the prominently displayed quote from Feuerwehr Fachjournal (to which I am a loyal subscriber). "New genre reference". Uh... come again? That sounds like placeholder text that somebody forgot to swap out before sending Emergency 5 to market. Ah - maybe it's suggesting that this is a new standard for the genre, a sentiment that just got jumbled in translation. Let's see what ol' Google has to say on the matter... here we are. "New genre reference" in German translates to "New genre reference" in English. OK then.
