SFX Spurious Awards Of The Week

Carry On Spider-Man, Captain Jack’s dream sex toy, vampire bling, Supernatural job change and loads more…

CAREER CHANGE OF THE WEEK

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BLING OF THE WEEK

Silver or otherwise, we defy anyone to be able to get out of bed with that much bling round their neck. (And this week’s True Blood must also hold some kind of record for the show – number of bed shots where the characters aren’t naked.)

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BUSTING SOME MOVES OF THE WEEK

For a few weeks now we’ve been wondering what all that breakdancing in the opening credits of Alphas has to do with the show itself. This week Hicks gives us the answer.

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COMEDY BIRDS OF THE WEEK

It’s a draw! Awarded jointly to exploding avian in Haven (who demise looked like something out of one of Terry Gilliam’s animations for Monty Python ) and Warehouse 13 for a what looked like a fat CGI budgie that hopped along like the Froglets from The Clangers .

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SEX TOY OF THE WEEK

What a pleasant surprise to see Ianto in Victorian London helping out at Warehouse 12. He never mentioned that on his CV when he was trying to join Torchwood. Using the expression above may have helped too – he looks like Jack Harkness’s dream blow-up sex doll.

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DEIMAGINING OF THE WEEK

These days it’s all “darker” this and “grittier” that. But sometimes all you want is “psychedelic”. Which is why our chums over at Games Radar have given Batman Arkham City a ’60s makeover. And you know what? We wanna play that game!

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More Spurious Awards on the next page…

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WOULD BE “CARRY ON” SCRIPTWRITER OF THE WEEK

Andrew Garfield talking about the consideration given to the groinal bulge in his costume: “Um, yeah, there are long discussions about this stuff. There has to be because it’s got to be handled with sensitivity. It has to be non-offensive, which takes some tools.” Ooooooooooh, matron.

NAUTICAL DISCOVERIES OF THE WEEK

Two things we discovered about ships at the Bristol harbour festival: they have warp speed and they use the Force.

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DIRECTOR IN A GLASS HOUSE THROWING STONES OF THE WEEK

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MONKEY NUTS OF THE WEEK

The pesky primate logo for Seth Green’s production company shows Cowboys And Aliens how it should be done (the damsel at the end is a cameo by Green himself, apparently… no we’re not making it up. That’s what he says!)

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UNLOVED LETTER OF THE WEEK

From Bricks To Bothans (aka, FBTB ), a website dedicated to Lego Star Wars , is currently running a competition based on an absolutely genius idea. Genius, because it’s so obvious. Yow know how in Star Wars there are X-Wings, Y-Wings and A-Wings? What about the rest of the alphabet? (Cue some smart-arse going, “But in the Star Wars universe they used Aurek-Besh alphabet so they shouldn’t have X, Y or A anything!” Cue everybody else going, “Oh, piss off you killjoy.”) So FBTB has been asking members to send in their own Lego ships to represent the entire alphabet, and now voting is going on to find a winner for the best ship design. One thing’s for sure. It won’t be an N-Wing. Nobody sent in a ship in the shape of an N. We’re sure there’s a Sesame Street song in the making there.

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CAPED CRUSADERSAURUS OF THE WEEK

The Art Institute of Pittsburgh decided to dress up their beloved Tyrannosaurus Rex in honour of a certain big Hollywood movie coming to film in the city.

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SCARY BALLS OF THE WEEK

For Germany’s number one horror channel, spray gun artist Oliver Paass worked more than three weeks on designing 360° layouts for bowling balls. The bowling balls were like chopped of heads, who were then distributed in several German bowling alleys. (On a side note – does Germany produce any music any more that doesn’t sound like Rammstein?)