The Reduced SFX Company presents season four of Supernatural in one handy condensed script
Supernatural: Season Four
OVERALL SYNOPSIS OF SHOW
Two brothers named Sam and Dean Winchester hunt and kill supernatural beasties. They drive around in a wicked cool car, listen to classic rock and have enough family issues to make the Jacksons look sane. Oh, and the last time we saw him, Dean was dead and in Hell. Bummer.
TEASER:
DEAN WINCHESTER climbs out of his OWN GRAVE . As far as SEASON OPENERS go, you have to admit that’s PRETTY MEMORABLE . In fact, we remember it from BUFFY SEASON SIX…
ACT ONE
DEAN goes to see BOBBY SINGER , a man who never removes his BASEBALL CAP , loves PLAID and likes calling people IDJITS .
DEAN: It’s me! I’m back from Hell!
BOBBY: I don’t believe it’s you! You’re a ghost or something!
DEAN: Come on, Bobby, you know us Winchesters come back from the dead every other episode!
BOBBY: ...Good point.
They HUG . Together they go off to find SAM WINCHESTER , who is also very surprised to see his DEAD BROTHER .
SAM: I don’t believe it’s you! You’re a ghost or something!
DEAN: Dude, when we were staying in the Mystery Spot in season three I died, like, 150 times. Don’t act like this is new to you!
SAM: ...Good point.
They HUG . Somewhere on the internet, SLASHERS WRITE STORIES about this hug, even though they are BROTHERS . This is known as WINCEST .
DEAN: Okay, so, how did I get out of Hell?
It turns out that DEAN was resurrected by JOHN CONSTANTINE’S twin brother, an ANGEL OF THE LORD .
CASTIEL: I’m the one who gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition.
DEAN: That sounds vaguely dirty.
CASTIEL: [Stares at Dean]
DEAN: Um, was there a reason why you brought me back?
CASTIEL: God has work for you.
DEAN: Whatever, dude. I’ve been re-hymenated. I’m gonna go find me some sex.
Because he is DEAN WINCHESTER , he DOES .
ACT TWO
The WINCHESTERS drive around America SAVING PEOPLE and HUNTING THINGS . However, in addition to KILLING MONSTERS , they also have to deal with ANGELS messing with their lives.
DEAN: Castiel, why have you time-travelled me back to the ’70s in order to meet my young parents?
CASTIEL: Because I am unable to talk in anything but riddles and non-sequiturs, you’re going to have to figure it out for yourself.
DEAN: Wow, angels are dicks.
CASTIEL: [Stares at Dean]
DEAN: Stop staring at me, man.
DEAN discovers that his MOTHER , MARY , had FANTASTIC FARRAH FAWCETT HAIR and was also a HUNTER . This ties in to all sorts of IMPORTANT STUFF involving the DEMON who eventually kills her and why SAM IS POSSIBLY EVIL or something. Also, DEAN’S GRANDFATHER is AGENT SKINNER from THE X-FILES , although he is POSSESSED by a DEMON and ends up kissing his DAUGHTER MARY (this would make a Hell of an episode of WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? ).
DEAN: Oh, man. Some days I wish I had a therapist.
SAM: Hey, while you’ve been Back-To-The-Futuring, I’ve secretly been having sex with demon Ruby, who’s in a brand new body! And I can exorcise demons using nothing but the power of my mind!
DEAN: I do not approve of your behaviour.
SAM: What did you do in Hell, by the way?
DEAN: Er... um... nothing...
ACT THREE
We get an episode in BLACK AND WHITE in which DEAN and SAM fight DRACULA . It’s VERY AMUSING .
SAM: See? This show isn’t just about angst and man-tears! We can do comedy, too!
To prove this point, in another episode a TERRIFIED DEAN is CHASED BY A YORKSHIRE TERRIER .
DEAN: My masculinity is being severely threatened. We need some huge arc-plot stuff to offset the silliness, stat!
We discover that the APOCALYPSE is coming because EVIL DEMON LILITH is trying to release LUCIFER from HELL .
DEAN: Oh. Can we go back to the Yorkshire Terrier?
An ANGEL named URIEL shows up. He is BADASS . He and CASTIEL try to kill an ANGEL named ANNA , who DEAN BOFFS in the backseat of the IMPALA , which actually looks RATHER UNCOMFORTABLE .
SAM: Wait, I thought I was the one who boffed all the women who then go on to die?
DEAN: But you’re already a boffing a demon, and I’m still excited about being re-hymenated.
SAM: Good point. That’s pretty much all I did while you were in Hell.
DEAN: Hell? I don’t remember it. Not in the slightest. I’m sure I was as good as gold while I was there, though. Didn’t do anything dodgy at all, oh no. Not a thing.
ACT FOUR
There is MORE HUNTING . Eventually DEAN BREAKS DOWN and confesses to SAM what he did in HELL . It is VERY EMOTIONAL .
DEAN: I was there for 40 years and they tortured me for 30 of them and then I started torturing people myself because I was so weak and I broke and it was awful.
SAM: Would you like a tissue? Your nose is dripping.
URIEL and CASTIEL think that DEAN made a very good TORTURER and so they kidnap him to torture a DEMON named ALASTAIR .
DEAN: Why is Uriel your boss now, Cas?
CASTIEL: My superiors thought I was getting too close to you, so they demoted me for exhibiting feelings.
DEAN: Feelings? For me? Oh. Well, you do stare at me a lot. I was wondering about that.
CASTIEL: [Stares at Dean]
DEAN: Dude, just blink once in a while, okay?
DEAN tortures ALASTAIR . The DEMON reveals that DEAN broke the first MAGICAL SEAL in HELL , thus starting a chain reaction to release LUCIFER . DEAN isn’t happy about this. There is much MAN-ANGST .
CASTIEL: You’re the only one who can stop the Apocalypse, Dean.
DEAN: Wow. No pressure.
CASTIEL: [Stares at Dean]
DEAN: Not tonight, Cas, I’ve got a headache.
ACT FIVE
The WINCHESTERS discover that there is a series of SUPERNATURAL BOOKS in which they play the main roles. This is known as BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL so hard the FOURTH WALL is PULVERISED . It is also a cheeky nod to the FANS .
SAM: Whoa, people are writing stories on the internet in which we have sex!
DEAN: They do know we’re brothers, right?
SAM: YES!
DEAN: Ew. So, which one of us do they think has the biggest...
Thankfully, CASTIEL appears.
CASTIEL: These books are being written by a prophet named Chuck and they will become known as The Winchester Gospel. I am a big fan.
DEAN: You totally write fan fiction about us, don’t you?
CASTIEL: [Stares at Dean]
SAM: Guys, just get a room already.
ACT SIX
EVIL DEMON LILITH is going to break the final MAGICAL SEAL and release LUCIFER from HELL . SAM has been drinking RUBY’S blood and is mojoed up with DEMON POWERS so he can KILL LILITH . Drinking DEMON BLOOD is BAD .
DEAN: I do not approve of your behaviour.
SAM: What did you do in Hell again?
DEAN: Ha, but I confessed everything and have no more guilt to spare. Now you’re the one who’s turned Dark Side!
SAM: Clearly the only way we can resolve this disagreement is by kicking each other’s ass.
They FIGHT . It is VERY EMOTIONAL because they are BROTHERS and should STICK TOGETHER , although not in the way the WINCESTERS on the internet would prefer. SAM wins the fight because he is ENORMOUS and U NFEASIBLY MUSCLY and goes off to join RUBY . DEAN sulks. Eventually CASTIEL decides to DISOBEY HIS ANGELIC ORDERS and takes DEAN to SAM .
DEAN: Sam! Don’t kill Lilith! She’s the final seal and if you kill her it’ll release Lucifer from Hell! Dammit, why can’t you hear me yelling even though I’m standing only a few feet away behind a thin wooden door? Listen to me, cloth-ears!
It’s TOO LATE . SAM kills LILITH with his FREAKY DEMON BRAIN POWERS . HELL OPENS and LUCIFER escapes.
SAM: Boy, do I feel stupid now.
DEAN: You just let the Devil into the world! What were you thinking?
SAM: I guess if I hadn’t let my attraction to Ruby come between our brotherly bond, none of this would’ve happened! There’s a moral here, isn’t there?
DEAN: Damn right. Clearly brotherly love is the way forward. Those Wincesters have a point.
SAM: They also think I have the biggest...
Thankfully, it ENDS .
Script by Jennifer English
