Genshin Impact fans are entirely too horny for Alhaitham

Genshin Impact update 3.4 is just days away, as is the release of Alhaitham, a Dendro sword user who's central to the Sumeru region's main story. His character teaser dropped just last night, and readers, I don't think I've ever seen this game's community react so unabashedly, frothingly horny. 

I've played Genshin virtually every day since its release, so I've weathered the hornyposting of characters like Yelan, Zhongli, Ayato, Yae, and countless others. But this is something else. Alhaitham is like Genshin plutonium; exposure to him seems to cause a rare and irrepressible reaction. 

This is not a recent phenomenon – the guy's been around in some capacity for several months – but Alhaitham's impending release and fresh character trailer seem to have brought existing rabidness to a rolling boil. And don't even get me started on the lovingly detailed illustration (above) which was casually dropped into the 3.4 livestream not unlike Tifa Lockhart fan art into an Italian senator's presentation.  

I have seen happily married men all but forget their wives in Alhaitham's presence. I've seen notorious Xiao proponent and popular guide maker Zyox aggressively ogle the man for seven minutes straight. When I went to watch Alhaitham's trailer last night (the very instant it dropped at midnight my time, obviously), the first comment to greet me was "I BARK FOR HIM". An innocuous Twitter search for Alhaitham yields fan art and fan fiction which leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination. It is hard to overstate the sheer hunger for this objectively hot man. 

What is so special about Alhaitham? Any Dendro character is exciting, for one, and Alhaitham's attack animations look sleek. He's also a clever mastermind, I'll give you that, though he is a bit Nerd Emoji at times. Alhaitham's connection to and opinion of the Dendro god Nahida is also one of the most fascinating among the main cast, giving him a uniquely compelling perspective in many story quests. He's also the most muscular playable character Genshin has ever had – somehow, despite ostensibly being a reclusive scribe. I mean, you don't get sculpted shoulders, countable abs, and a rippling back like that by reading books. 

So to recap: Alhaitham is a tall, handsome, well-built, mysterious, and intellectual bookworm who dual-wields swords and commands the skills and confidence to overthrow a secret police state. 

OK, I'm starting to see it. As you were, Genshin fans. 

For more inexplicably hot anime characters, check out this promising sailing RPG which popped up to fill the Skull and Bones-shaped hole in early 2023.