As modelled by: Frank West in Dead Rising
With a whole zombie-invested mall at his disposal, filled with every kind of clothes shop you could imagine, Frank West has a bigger wardrobe than Elton John. Whether you choose to go for that summery look with a nice floral skirt and matching tube top, that jock chique by donning a hockey jersey and some knee-length socks or that disturbing man-child/paedophile look by trying to squeeze into a ten year old girl’s outfit; Dead Rising has you covered no matter what the trend.
Mixing and matching is what all good trend setters/imprisoned journalists do. And nothing gives you Dutch courage like manning up against a psychotic, chainsaw-wielding clown in a skimpy skirt and Mega Man helmet. Sure, it’s horribly restrictive for movement and visibility, giving you almost no chance of avoiding zombie swipes/Hillbilly shotgun blasts or shopping carts of doom. But the sheer comedy value makes up for getting eviscerated by a deranged circus performer, right? Oh.
As modelled by: Regina in Dino Crisis 1 and 2
Regina’s a resourceful survival horror hero. Well trained, able to solve needlessly convoluted puzzles while drilling a dino’s face with bullets and capable of carrying more concealed weapons than an army of drug dealers; she's more than a match for any Prehistoric pest. She could have helped herself even more, though, if she’d just chosen a semi-sensible outfit.
Binding, restrictive and offering no protection from razor-like raptor teeth, Regina’s outfit couldn’t be more vulnerable, save if she smothered it with cow blood. And who wears tights in a tense, ancient jungle? Although granted, they seem to be made of the same indestructible fabric as Ivy’s underwear - not once do they tear in the face of fierce forest undergrowth, gun fire or T-rex chompers. Still, skin-tight spandex is hardly the sort of kit you want to be outrunning lightning-quick Oviraptors in.
As modelled by: Sniper Wolf in Metal Gear Solid
Every good sniper should always go through a tick list of the gear they need before entering into a daunting life or death duel. Big rifle with magnifying bit on it? Check. Enough Pentazem to down an elephant for keeping the shakes at bay? Check. Scandalously revealing unzipped top. Double check.
While the last item on the list might seem a strange choice of clobber for Metal Gear Solid’s slinky sniper, it actually makes perfect tactical sense. What better way to distract your opponent than by using the frigid Alaskan air to turn your nips into rock-hard icicles that could poke someone’s eye out? It’s the ultimate distraction. Pity then, that in the real world those pesky things called hypothermia and frostbite would finish off old Wolfy before Snake could shout La-Le-Lu-Lay-Lo.
