In what will doubtlessly become GamesRadar’s crowning achievement, we’ve listed our very favoritest gaming Farty Butts. And in our never-ending pursuit of “true journalism,” we’ve also included scattered instances of Poopy Shitz, as well. Anyone who’s eaten at a Taco Bell knows full well that the line between gas and solid can be fragile, dingleberry thin, even.
Everybody’s talked about it, but no one’s ever done it... Behold: The Farticle! Pulitzer, your ass is ours!
Wario
Aromatic Attribute: Offensive and defensive capabilities
Wario may’ve started his life as a serious and formidable opponent to Mario, but he’s slowly degenerated into full-blown fatbodied foil. Or to be more precise: a creature of anal impulse. In his last few appearances, Wario has been defined by his inability to properly digest food. In Mario Strikers Charged he ripped disorienting butt scuds, and he opened Smash Bros. Brawl with an apocalyptic air biscuit. Gamers have truly been blessed.
Aromatic Attribute: A moist nimbus cloud of asphalt grey
Keyser Soze wisely stated that to be in power all you needed was “the will to do what the other guy wouldn’t.” So, while our colleagues continue to point fingers at the first home version of Mortal Kombat and its bloody contribution to the SNES/Genesis console wars, we thought it was high time to tackle an issue of far greater importance. Case in point: Beavis and Butthead, the crudest thing to hit the early '90s, deserved their own game, surely. Unfortunately, the Nintendo nunnery figured MTV’s degenerate duo didn’t deserve the ability to cut gassers. They were wrong then and they were wrong now.
The Genesis had no such scruples. Sure both versions are forgettable turd castles of timely licensing, but at least the Genesis included flatulence right from the opening screen. In fact, those Sega developers designated windbreaking as Butthead’s primary mode of attack, and the world was all the better for it.
Boogerman
Aromatic Attribute: Spelled out for the hearing impaired!
Remember what we said about the balls dangling from the mighty Genesis? That holds triple true for Interplay’s seminal platformer, Boogerman. The story involves environmental pollution, and ill-mannered Snotty Ragsdale’s evolution into the most juvenile super hero of all time - but you’d be forgiven for not giving a shit.
Boogerman became the stuff of schoolyard legend with his ability to battle baddies with snot, burps, farts and basically anything else that’ll get your ass smacked at the dinner table. Sure, an SNES version surfaced the next year, but poopy props go to Sega for landing this classic as a timed exclusive. After all, didn’t the fartinest 16-bit adventure of all time deserve Blast Processing? *bow*
Aromatic Atrribute: Silent, but potentially deadly.
Since Tekken 3, Kuma has been permeating the ring with an offensive smokescreen that makes him the envy of the animal kingdom. Be it in his grizzly or adorable panda form, Heihachi’s favorite son has been clouding his opponents’ judgment for over a decade.
