BioShock
The underwater ruined metropolis of Rapture simply isn't the place to be for the toilet enthusiast. Waterlogged, crumbling apart and with an unerring tendency of hiding homicidal drug addicts in their stalls, BioShock's toilets are a nightmarish hellhole for all good patrons of the numbers one and two. They're not all bad, mind you. Some even hold money and rare collectible audio tapes (especially useful for those marathon squats on the pan).
Silent Hill 3
In a tight bind, when my bowels simply can't hold out any longer, the standards for where I'll rest my rear end drops sharply. But even if I had industrial strength diarrhea, the one thing I'd always insist on is an adequate amount of light, so I can see where I'm depositing my business. Sadly, Silent Hill's dingy and disgusting John can't quite keep up with these rigorous standards. All the bleach in the world couldn't undo the horrors this porcelain portal has suffered through.
Boogerman
Unsightly things we'd expect to cause an affront to our eyes in toilets: feces, urine, totally untrue accusations about our mother's sexual activities scribbled on the wall. When a pants-soiling push comes to shove, I can live with these things. But really, a toilet that's covered in so much snot it would turn my feet a nuclear-tinted green? Yeah, I think I'll just hold it in for a bit longer.
Deus Ex: Human Revolution
Sure, it looks relatively clean at first glance--but there's something deeply unsettling about a stall in the men's room with a haphazard stack of magazines in one corner. At first, you assume that someone was just doing some light reading on the loo. Then you notice that all the magazines have bikini-clad women on the cover, and the mind begins to wander into somerather unsavory territory. As in, you'd really rather not take a dump in the exact same spot where a complete stranger was masturbating just moments ago.
Batman: Arkham Asylum
After the Joker, the Riddler is one of the most eccentric supervillains in Batman's rogues gallery. On the one hand, this criminal mastermind always seems to be one step ahead of the caped crusader, taunting his adversary with his genius-level intellect. On the other hand, the Arkham series shows us that 1) he spends an inordinate amount of time hiding little toy trophies in hard-to-reach places, and 2) he seems incapable of dropping a deuce without accidentally crapping all over the floor. With no toilet paper rolls in sight, it's a wonder how the Riddler manages to keep his pantaloons from turning dark brown.
Indigo Prophecy / Fahrenheit
Ah, the humble commode. It's the perfect place to read a paper in peace, collect one's thoughts, or get possessed and stab up a fellow toilet-dweller for no reason. Aside from being a bit grimy and having a floor covered in toilet roll, I genuinely wouldn't mind using this toilet. Well, provided I was packing a semi-automatic rifle, a bullet/stab-proof vest, and fingers trained in QTE ninja-ry.
Aliens vs Predator
The life of a Weyland-Yutani marine is a tough one. Suicidal missions. Low pay. Impromptu sexy-time when a spidery alien jumps on your face. Working for Evil Incorporate clearly doesn't have many benefits, but surely the least they could provide is toilets that won't give you a festering, communicable disease when you squat down to pinch a loaf mid bug-hunt. Faced with the prospect of using such an abysmal crapper, we'd as soon run up to a Rastafarian alien for a good skinning.
Rise of Nightmares
OK, just breathe. Let's try to figure out what might have happened here. Maybe someone who consumed a vat of pure Hawaiian Punch syrup just emptied their bladder. Maybe this toilet was custom made for vampiric dogs. Maybe... oh. It's just a toilet full of zombie blood that someone apparently decided to dip their hands into and slap their palms on the stall wall like a 3rd-grade art project. In that case, bombs away!
...you gotta go
So, feeling thoroughly disgusted by these atrocious bathrooms? Got any more in-game lavatory sights that have left you forever scarred? Share your scatological stories in the comments below--just don't make yourself sick.
And if you're looking for more, check out the weirdest things we've ever found in video game toilets , or watch us play a sick round of Toilet Kids.
