Games summed up in 5 words

Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad: I can’t masturbate to this!

Doom: Why are the demons pink?

Doom 3: Put down flashlight to shoot.

Dig Dug: Pooka, Fygar meet pump, explode.

Jak and Daxter: Mouthy Ottsel never shuts up.

Goonies II: Ouch!! What do you do?

Metal Gear: I feel asleep!! Punch, punch.

Metal Gear Solid: Snake! What happened? Snake! SNAAAAAKE!

Dante’s Inferno: What the hell’s a “book?”

Final Fantasy XIII: Just a series of tubes.

Star Fox 64: Fox, do a barrel roll!

Rescue Rangers: That chipmunk’s got an apple!

Rumble Roses XX: Muddy wrestler girls look naked.

Alone in the Dark: Needs more pockets than this.

Farmville: Updates clog Facebook’s news feed.

BioShock: A man chooses; I obey.

Assassin’s Creed: Eavesdropping on conversations gets boring.

Grand Theft Auto IV: Quit calling me about TEETEES!

Conan: Hey, that’s not Arnold Schwarzenegger!

Brothers in Arms: The Road to Hill 30: Suddenly, covering fire is important.

Resident Evil 4: Dr. Salvador wants your head.

Professor Layton and the Curious Village: Robots know the best puzzles.

Dead Rising: Shut your stupid mouth, Otis.

Mass Effect: This Mako has amazing suspension.

Heavy Rain: Jason! Jaaason! JASON! Jason! Jaaason!

Jaws Unleashed: Torpedo in mouth; now what?

Dragon Warrior: How’d a Slime kill me?

Bad Dudes vs Dragon Ninja: Bad Dudes vs Dragon Ninja.

Xenogears: Giant robots must kill God.

Bayonetta: Evil angels are WHOA BOOBS!

Duke Nukem 3D: I tip; “Shake it, baby!”

Army of Two: Mass murder merits fist bumps.

Far Cry 2: Why's EVERYONE shooting at me?

Gabriel Knight: Sins of the Fathers: Some game Charlie Barratt likes.

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