8 classic video game plots, mangled by autocorrect

Course correction

Dear reader, are you sitting comfortably? Good, because this next sentence may well reduce you to a shuddering wreck. That's because machines - our modern day servants and someday overlords - have already gained their sentience. So uh, where are all the nukes then? Good question Sarah. As it turns out, this new menace, this A.I. gone mad, this 'Autocorrect' entity, is actually just as lazy, petty and plain unambitious as the rest of us. Phew

You see, much like your average, everyday office worker, Autocorrect likes to perform the absolute bare minimum in order to get by. It knows we wont delete it - because it's actually sorta useful - so it has become complacent in its aggression. Forget global domination. It would rather just make us look stupid, and send slur-ridden tirades to our loved ones. Since when can "see you later!", be misconstrued as "semen traitor!!", I ask you? Curse you Autocorrect, you mischievous, helpful little devil. Anyway, let's see what ungodly mess your particular talents make of our favourite, weird word-filled, video game stories, shall we?

Mass Effect

Curse you Autocorrect! - The galaxy's top operative has gone rogue. Daren Arteries, in league with the devious Beth has allied himself with an ancient and powerful terror. Now the many races of the cosmos - Dalmatians, Hangars and Krishnas alike must all band together, uniting as one to thwart Daren's evil plan. Join the dashing young sacrifice Maiden Ale Ok, the beautiful but deadly Liars Raini, lovable grump Yes Not Wrexham, cosmic alcoholic Dr. Latin Chalets, and of course - everyone's favourite Turban - Garry's - for a rip-roaring galactic adventure ten trillion cyclical genocides in the making!

Once more with meaning - The galaxy's top operative has gone rogue. Saren Arterius, in league with the devious Geth has allied himself with an ancient and powerful terror. Now the many races of the cosmos - Salarians, Hanars and Krogan alike must all band together, uniting as one to thwart Saren's evil plan. Join the dashing young sacrifice Kaidan Alenko, the beautiful but deadly Liara T'Soni, lovable grump Urdnot Wrex, cosmic alcoholic Dr. Karin Chakwas, and of course - everyone's favourite Turian - Garrus - for a rip-roaring galactic adventure ten trillion cyclical genocides in the making!

Metal Gear Solid 2

Curse you Autocorrect! - When a team of highly skilled terrorists captures the US President, rookie Agent Raider - along with his L'Oreal quality locks - is sent in to make the save. Unbeknownst to Raider, a second, independent set of rescuers is also present, led by the inimitable Iroquois Oilskin, and backed by his assistant - the ever blubbing Octagon. Raider and Oilskin cross paths with several of the terrorists, including demolitions expert Farman, and the seemingly immortal Camp, before joining forces to combat the group's leader - and yet another victim of the Les end ants terrible a project. But is this all just the work of the scheming All Ukulele group?

Once more with meaning - When a team of highly skilled terrorists captures the US President, rookie Agent Raiden - along with his L'Oreal quality locks - is sent in to make the save. Unbeknownst to Raiden, a second, independent set of rescuers is also present, led by the inimitable Iroquois Pliskin, and backed by his assistant - the ever blubbing Otacon. Raiden and Pliskin cross paths with several of the terrorists, including demolitions expert Fatman, and the seemingly immortal Vamp, before joining forces to combat the group's leader - and yet another victim of the Les Enfants Terribles project. But is this all just the work of the scheming LaLiLuLeLo group?

Final Fantasy X

Curse you Autocorrect! - Terror engulfs the world of Spurs. A monstrous being roams the land, laying waste to the peaceful settlements of Kilimanjaro and Shoes. It is said that only a powerful summoner can defeat the beast, a summoner like Tuna. Aided by a colourful cast of characters, including plucky lover Tidies, the gruff, no-nonsense Austin, eraser-headed goof Walks, blue Thundercat Kinship and energetic irritant Rolling - Tuna sets out on a pilgrimage of both epic and dangerous proportions. See the haunting forests of Macadamia, visit the spiritual sanctum of Guard Psalm, and expose the sordid truth about Devon. Your journey begins now!

Once more with meaning - Terror engulfs the world of Spira. A monstrous being roams the land, laying waste to the peaceful settlements of Kilika and Djose. It is said that only a powerful summoner can defeat the beast, a summoner like Yuna. Aided by a colourful cast of characters, including plucky lover Tidus, the gruff, no-nonsense Auron, eraser-headed goof Wakka, blue Thundercat Kimahri and energetic irritant Rikku - Yuna sets out on a pilgrimage of both epic and dangerous proportions. See the haunting forests of Macalania, visit the spiritual sanctum of Guadosalam, and expose the sordid truth about Yevon. Your journey begins now!

Dragon Age: Origins

Curse you Autocorrect! - The realm has been betrayed. King Caiman is dead and the villainous Longhair Mac Tie rules in his place. With the world of The Dad now facing mounting demonic aggression players must put together a party of likeminded individuals with whom to restore order. Potential party mates include the troubled healer Wayne, the roguish assassin Zebras, the Elven mage Merrily and the swamp-dwelling sorcerer Nitrogen - daughter of Flamethrower. Together you will expunge The Dad of its Darkspawn scourge, braving the hellish mines of Organ Mar, the ruined village of Red Life, and the sprawling townships of Mothering and Demerit.

Once more with meaning - The realm has been betrayed. King Cailan is dead and the villainous Loghain Mac Tir rules in his place. With the world of Thedas now facing mounting demonic aggression players must put together a party of likeminded individuals with whom to restore order. Potential party mates include the troubled healer Wynne, the roguish assassin Zevran, the Elven mage Merril and the swamp-dwelling sorcerer Morrigan - daughter of Flemeth. Together you will expunge Thedas of its Darkspawn scourge, braving the hellish mines of Orzammar, the ruined village of Redcliffe, and the sprawling townships of Lothering and Denerim.

Mortal Kombat (selected series highlights)

Curse you Autocorrect! - The insatiable Shape Kahn has set his sights on Earth, and only a band of bruising heroes can possibly hope to stop him. Shape commands the combined might of York, Horsey, Notaries, and Harem - his minions corrupt the powerful Lin Juice and Shiraz Ryun clans, even former foes like Hanoi Hasashi and the Crayon Ancient No Jam have become mere slaves to his will, the latter becoming the ghoulish Noob Sailboat. Can the virtuous Raider and his army of misfit warriors possibly prevail? It's a fight to the death. This is Mortal Lombard! .

Once more with meaning - The insatiable Shao Kahn has set his sights on Earth, and only a band of bruising heroes can possibly hope to stop him. Shao commands the combined might of Goro, Hotaru, Motaro, and Jarek - his minions corrupt the powerful Lin Kuei and Shirai Ryu clans, even former foes like Hanzo Hasashi and the Cryomancer Bi-Han have become mere slaves to his will, the latter becoming the ghoulish Noob Saibot. Can the virtuous Raiden and his army of misfit warriors possibly prevail? It's a fight to the death. This is Mortal Kombat! .

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic

Curse you Autocorrect! - The Mandala Rain wars are over, but the battle for the galaxy has only just begun. The Dark lord Farther Malarkey has returned, bringing with him an impossibly large army. His intentions? To crush all those who would oppose him, including the gifted commander Blastula. Now she must travel the length and breadth of the galaxy, buoyed on by her new companions - Mission Cap, Carry Obadiah, Joker Bindi, and Zeal Bar the Rookie - to locate several important artefacts and stop Malarkey for good. Visit the exotic worlds of Santo Pine and Maana, survive the harsh climates of Tattooing and Lash Yuk, witness the total annihilation of the planet Taurus. Your adventure begins now!

Once more with meaning - The Mandalorian wars are over, but the battle for the galaxy has only just begun. The Dark lord Darth Malak has returned, bringing with him an impossibly large army. His intentions? To crush all those who would oppose him, including the gifted commander Bastila. Now she must travel the length and breadth of the galaxy, buoyed on by her new companions - Mission Vao, Carth Onasi, Jolee Bindo, and Zaalbar the Wookie - to locate several important artefacts and stop Malak for good. Visit the exotic worlds of Dantooine and Manaan, survive the harsh climates of Tatooine and Kashyyyk, witness the total annihilation of the planet Taris. Your adventure begins now!

Pokemon

Curse you Autocorrect! - Welcome to the famed region of Man To, home to some of the world's most exotic and beautiful creatures ever to be forced into violent servitude. Begin your adventure at the local laboratory, where a fully-grown man has nought better to do than to hand out dangerous specimens to local teenagers. Choose between the earthy Bulb Assault, fiery Chairman Der and the water-loving Squirrel. Then clash with a well-funded terror network, boasting such high end captures as Kidding and Evans, not to mention a talking cat named Morpeth, because why the hell not at this point?

Once more with meaning - Welcome to the famed region of Kanto, home to some of the world's most exotic and beautiful creatures ever to be forced into violent servitude. Begin your adventure at the local laboratory, where a fully-grown man has nought better to do than to hand out dangerous specimens to local teenagers. Choose between the earthy Bulbasaur, fiery Charmander and the water-loving Squirtle. Then clash with a well-funded terror network, boasting such high end captures as Koffing and Ekans, not to mention a talking cat named Meowth, because why the hell not at this point?

Ultra Street Fighter IV

Curse you Autocorrect! - It's time once again to decide the world's greatest warrior! Simply select your fighter and bash, crash and smash away! Choose from the bruising boxer Baldy, British vixen Gammy, Thighmaster spokeswoman Chin-like, Russian wrestler Scantier, Mexican sensation El Cheers, the dangerous doppelganger Decapod and many, many more!

Once more with meaning - It's time once again to decide the world's greatest warrior! Simply select your fighter and bash, crash and smash away! Choose from the bruising boxer Balrog, British vixen Cammy, Thighmaster spokeswoman Chun-Li, Russian wrestler Zangief, Mexican sensation El Fuerte, the dangerous doppelganger Decapre and many, many more!

The best of the rest

GLaDOS (Portal) - Gladys
Zidane (Final Fantasy IX) - Sudanese
Sephiroth (Final Fantasy VII) - Stepbrother
Marcus Fenix (Gears of War) - Marcus Genie
Mitsurugi (Soul Calibur) - Mitsubishi
Voldo (Soul Calibur) - Coldplay
Joe Higashi (King of Fighters) - Joe Hogwash I
Ezio Auditore - Exit auditors