PlayStation socks - Verdict: GOOD
You know how there's the expectation that as you grow from child to adult, you stop asking for toys as gifts and starting asking for socks? Well, I don't care how old I am or how old you are - these socks are a solid win. Sure they could be cute and funny, but I could also picture these underneath a well-pressed suit. After all, one does want a hint of color.
Any Bloodborne t-shirt - Verdict: BAD
Look, we both love Bloodborne, you and I. It's a great game. Unfortunately, it's not exactly the most chic thing to advertise on your torso, what with its grisly abominations and blood-soaked cleavers. Not only will wearing this likely gain you a few concerned looks, but the designs just aren't very good - most are basically just a rectangular image slapped on a plain background. If you have to pick one though, I suggest the white hunter version.
PlayStation varsity jacket - Verdict: WUT?
Unless you were on the high school PlayStation team or attended PlayStation University where you studied under Professor Bandicoot and majored in Platformer Physics (despite your parents wanting you to study Lyrical Law from Professor PaRappa), there is absolutely no reason this should be on your body.
Christmas jumper - Verdict: GOOD
Normally I'd write this one up as a "bad" entry, but "ugly Christmas sweater" parties have become so commonplace now that people don't seem to mind owning at least one piece of tacky clothing that they'll only wear a handful of times in December. I'll endorse the PlayStation Christmas jumper overall, just always make sure to accessorize it with a strong sense of self-aware irony.
PS4 key ring - Verdict: BAD
It's okay to love your PlayStation 4, but what statement are you trying to make with this novelty key ring that you can't do in some other, less tacky way? Don't get me wrong, I'm impressed how accurate and well-molded this looks, but maybe consider a less sharp, less pointy verse of inspirational prose or picture of a loved one instead?
Assassin's Creed Unity wristband - Verdict: WUT?
When are you ever going to wear this? Wristbands are meant to accessorize, and this fashion is literally centuries old - I guarantee this will not match well with your 21st-century swag, friend.
PlayStation iPhone 5 case - Verdict: GOOD
If you prefer phone cases that offer a unique aesthetic, you could do much worse than this iPhone 5 case themed to look like an original PlayStation. This is just the right balance of functionality and fanservice. I really have nothing snarky to say about this. Which is good because...
PlayStation controller iPhone 5 case - Verdict: BAD
Wow. Everything I said about the previous iPhone case goes right out the window here. This is neither functional nor elegant. This is not a fashionable accessory, it's a weird, obtuse shape that's going to bulge in your pocket and make people wonder if you have a medical condition that needs immediate attention.
PlayStation wallet - Verdict: GOOD
Who would've guessed that a rectangle could be so malleable and versatile? Here, the original PlayStation design is embroidered onto a wallet, with the disc tray lid cleverly designed as the clasp. A bit showy, but not too much.
Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare mug - Verdict: BAD
First off, if you're sitting down for a relaxing cup of coffee or tea, I don't know why you would want to be reminded of a high-energy game full of explosions and death every time you reached out to take a sip. But even if you did, the design for this looks like a lazily-cropped decal stretched across a white background. Which it is.
The Order: 1886 mug - Verdict: GOOD
See, this is how you do a game-themed mug. It's not loud or overstated, and the title plus logo are simple and elegant. A refined beverage container for a refined monster slayer.
So much more
I could do this all day, and I imagine so could you. So why not check out the store and let us know which Gear catches your eye? Oh, and don't worry if it's something I rated poorly here. It's all in good fun, and I've still got Tenchi Muyo! key ring around here somewhere...
The PlayStation Gear store opened its digital doors across the UK and 16 other countries in Europe today, and you may find yourself wondering: "What sort of PlayStation-branded and video game-themed merch is available to purchase, and of those, what will allow me to retain my dignity?"
Friends, I am here to help. I've scoured the shelves and come back with a hearty list of what to consider adding to your cart, what to avoid like the Yharnam plague, and a few oddballs that honestly, I'm not sure how to feel about. Click through the gallery above to see what's on sale, stranger.
