Chop chop! 13 big bad video game butchers
Dark Souls' lady cannibals
There are only two of these ladies--yes, they are women--in the entirety of Dark Souls, but you won't soon forget them. When you encounter the first one in The Depths, you'll catch her preparing a meal for the freaks that live down there--a meal made of her fellow Undead.
They wield both a meat cleaver and a wooden stake, and they know how to use them. Get hit by their stake attack, and you'll be pinned to ground. Then they bring the meat cleaver down into your torso. Ouch.
House of the Dead's meaty minotaur
The Dark Souls ladies may be horrifying, but they've got nothing on Meat Katie, found only in House of the Dead: Overkill Extended Cut. She trades her set of kitchen knives for one massive, two-hands-required meat cleaver.
More horrifying is her size and armor. She's a giant wearing a cow skull with large horns, and she's attached an actual udder to her gut. When protagonists Varla and Candi manage to drive her into a meat grinder, she dies with a bone-chilling "moo." You won't want a glass of milk for a while after this encounter.
Splatterhouse's factory boss
His name is Biggy Man, and he has given up cleavers in favor of chainsaws attached to his arm stumps. Toss a burlap sack over his face, and you know you're in for a chaotic, sparks-flying battle.
Biggy Man is found on a bridge in the classic Splatterhouse or at the end of the Meat Factory in the remake. In the newer version, you learn just how sinister he is; he's watching you through the factory's cameras, totally freaking out your Terror Mask companion. If you manage to take this cunning cut-master down, you'll be rewarded with a chainsaw of your own--once you rip it from his arm stump, that is.
Skyrim's serial killer
The city of Windhelm has its own Jack the Ripper type, and it's up to the Dragonborn to track him down. Three young women have been killed, with gruesome gashes across their bodies. Who is this madman?
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The search will lead you to some leaflets labeled "Beware the Butcher!", as well as several journal entries from the "butcher" himself. After some investigating--spoiler alert--you'll catch elderly museum curator Calixto Corrium in the act. Move quickly, and you'll stop this butcher from carving his next lady-steak.
Better wipe that blood off
Well, that was frightening. Remind me to stay away from meat for a while--I have a sudden urge to go vegetarian. In any case, which of these freaks scared you the most?
Believe it or not, meat was actually used in a Resident Evil marketing ploy. You can read about in these 15 awfully (and totally real) video game marketing campaigns. And if you want to know what meat "sounds" like, check out this classic episode of SoundRadar featuring the music of Super Meat Boy.
Tony lives in Maryland, where he writes about those good old-fashioned video games for 12DOVE. His words have also appeared on GameSpot and G4, but he currently works for Framework Video, and runs Dungeons and Dragons streams.