Why you can trust 12DOVE
Iron Maiden’s Bruce Dickinson made his name in a band titled after a torture device. The same might well be said for his debut foray into scriptwriting, an inscrutable hodgepodge that sees infamous occultist Aleister Crowley (John Shrapnel) reincarnated in the present day as eccentric Cambridge don Simon Callow. Pissing on his students and shitting on the dean’s desk is just the start of his evil rampage, which soon sees him hacking his way through the faculty in his quest to bring about the end of the world. To anyone unfortunate enough to be viewing this claptrap, it can’t come fast enough. The odd gory surprise (tongues ripped out, needles stuck in eyeballs) and fruity line (“a good ritualised fuck would expand your consciousness!”) provide some slim shreds of consolation.
The Total Film team are made up of the finest minds in all of film journalism. They are: Editor Jane Crowther, Deputy Editor Matt Maytum, Reviews Ed Matthew Leyland, News Editor Jordan Farley, and Online Editor Emily Murray. Expect exclusive news, reviews, features, and more from the team behind the smarter movie magazine.
Antonblast review: "Explosively reinvents the destructive energy of Wario Land"
As Marvel Rivals adds even more DPS characters to its roster, dev reminds players that the team "wanted to move away" from Overwatch's traditional Tank, Support, and Damage roles
Marvel's Spider-Man reportedly made a whopping $3.8 billion, although the math doesn't seem to add up