Boulder Dash Rocks review

Knackered old puzzle game revived

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12DOVE Verdict

Pros

  • +

    Faithful to series

  • +

    Looks nicer

  • +

    More entertaining

Cons

  • -

    Too faithful to series

  • -

    Only slightly nicer looking

  • -

    Only slightly more entertaining

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In the opening scene of Boulder Dash - yep, the earth-burrowing, rock-dodging, gem-collecting puzzler is back - our hero - Rockford - offers his sweetheart Gwen a diamond the size of her head. Her eyes widen, a kiss seems assured… and then Rockford’s nemesis, an octopus, appears on the scene with an equally gob-dropping gem. “Wow, that’s quite big too…” murmurs the fickle, moon-faced hussy.

There’s a lesson here, everyone. If someone only likes you for the presents you give them, they’re probably not worth talking to - and if they’re prepared to force you through several dozen levels of grinding, repetitive gem-hoovering, then you need to avoid them like a boulder in the skull. To be fair, BDR is faithful to the original games - although it’s been made more forgiving for modern gamers - but why would you want to play Boulder Dash in this day and age? It’s only moderately nicer looking than the BBC micro version we put up with as four-year-olds, and only slightly more entertaining. Gwen can piss off and marry that octopus.

Mar 28, 2008

More info

GenrePuzzle
DescriptionRemake of the classic puzzler that continues the epic saga of the little guy who moves around, collects gems and tries to not get smashed by rocks.
Platform"DS","PSP"
US censor rating"Rating Pending","Rating Pending"
UK censor rating"7+","7+"
Release date1 January 1970 (US), 1 January 1970 (UK)
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Joel Snape
Joel Snape
Joel Snape enjoys Street Fighter V, any sandbox game that contains a satisfyingly clacky shotgun and worrying about the rise of accidentally-malevolent super-AI. He's also the founder-editor of livehard.co.uk, where he talks a lot about working out.
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