Why you can trust 12DOVE
Pillaging Herman Melville’s classic Moby Dick, Ryan Little’s cut-price curio swaps marauding whales for dodgy CG fire-breathers and high-seas derring-do for six nobodies arguing in a tank.
An OTT Danny Glover heads up the cast as the vengeful Ahab (“Some say the white dragon let him live, others say he lost his mind!” runs the voiceover; we think the latter).
Joining him in the hunt for precious dragon vitriol (which powers the film’s mythical setting) is an unusually restrained Vinnie Jones.
Sadly, any car-crash appeal is undercut by the cardinal B-movie sin: dullness.
Matt Glasby is a freelance film and TV journalist. You can find his work on Total Film - in print and online - as well as at publications like the Radio Times, Channel 4, DVD REview, Flicks, GQ, Hotdog, Little White Lies, and SFX, among others. He is also the author of several novels, including The Book of Horror: The Anatomy of Fear in Film and Britpop Cinema: From Trainspotting To This Is England.