Indiana Jones Raiders Of The Lost Ark (1981)
The Job: Archaeologist
Why They Suck: Upon discovering an ancient temple, Indy goes capering through it willy-nilly, happily seeing the place collapse in on itself in order to snag a solitary gold idol. Should he not have had some equipment with him? Other than the whip, of course…
M Skyfall (2012)
The Job: Head of MI6
Why They Suck: Don’t get us wrong, it was a tricky call, but surely you’d back Bond to recover a data-stick full of highly sensitive information over authorising a relative rookie to make an incredibly tricky shot with around a 50% chance of success? Hindsight is a beautiful thing, we suppose…
Claude Kersek Cape Fear (1991)
The Job: Private Investigator
Why They Suck: Kersek sets up an elaborate security system around the Bowden house and waits for Max Cady to show up. However, he fails to notice that Cady has disguised himself as the maid, and winds up in a pool of his own blood. Aren’t PIs supposed to be observant?
Evelyn Carnahan The Mummy (1999)
The Job: Archaeologist
Why They Suck: Despite being explicitly warned not to by an expert in the field, Carnahan reads aloud from the book of the dead, seemingly for no good reason other than to see what would happen. Needless to say, it’s nothing good.
Homer Simpson The Simpsons Movie (2007)
The Job: Nuclear Safety Inspector
Why They Suck: Where to start. Besides falling asleep on the job, pouring all manner of fluids over his console and regularly skipping work altogether, Homer has caused a stack of industrial accidents during his time at the power plant. And he’s the safety inspector…
Dr. Henry Wu Jurassic Park (1993)
The Job: Geneticist
Why They Suck: Despite possessing the incredible scientific nous required to bring dinosaurs back into existence, Dr. Wu failed to think of the old frog DNA loophole that allowed the dinos to breed. Idiot.
Shelley Levine Glengarry Glen Ross (1992)
The Job: Real estate salesman
Why They Suck: Once upon a time, Shelley might have been a big wheel in the real estate business. Now however, the desperation comes off him in waves, and he can’t make a sale to save his life. Customers know a loser when they see one, and nobody wants to buy a house from a loser.
Randal Graves Clerks (1994)
The Job: Video store clerk
Why They Suck: He closes the store for hours at a time to play hockey, orders luridly-titled hardcore pornography in the presence of a minor and generally subjects the customers to a barrage of sarcasm and barely-concealed antipathy. Hardly employee of the month material.
Fifield & Milburn Prometheus (2012)
The Job: Geologist and biologist respectively
Why They Suck: You’d think that a pair of scientists might know better than to touch a strange black goo found on a far-flung planet with their bare hands. You’d have thought wrong.
Lieutenant Frank Drebin The Naked Gun (1988)
The Job: Police officer
Why They Suck: Hmm, where to start? Despite his frequent undercover assignments, Drebin is singularly incapable of getting the right end of the stick, something of a handicap for a man whose business lies in solving cases. And god help anyone with the misfortune to call him partner…
