Jake Brigance A Time To Kill (1996)
The Job: Lawyer
Why They Suck: Sure he manages to get Samuel L. Jackson cleared of murder, but he misses a glaring opportunity to pop an ace up his sleeve when he informs the judge of a technical error half-way through. Had he kept it to himself he could have called a mistrial, should Jackson’s character have been found guilty. Maybe he was just confident in getting a result anyway…
Unknown Soldier Saving Private Ryan (1998)
The Job: Soldier
Why They Suck: A soldier should keep his helmet on at all times on the battlefield, especially if said helmet has just saved him from a bullet. In fact, that’s the precise moment at which you shouldn’t remove it. He does, and the inevitable duly follows.
Raddimus Waiting (2005)
The Job: Chef
Why They Suck: Whether or not Raddimus can cook is neither here nor there. We’re more concerned about the way in which he deliberately drops food on the floor, indulges in a spot of bathroom copulation and generally behaves in as unsanitary a fashion as possible!
Harry & Marv Home Alone (1990)
The Job: Burglars
Why They Suck: They’re two grown men, both of whom have presumably spent some time in prison, and yet they can’t take down one pesky kid who threatens to ruin their Christmas haul? Impressively durable they might be, but as crooks, they’re rank amateurs.
Kid Blue Looper (2012)
The Job: Hitman / Henchman
Why They Suck: No matter how many times he attempts to prove himself, the limping Kid Blue goes and makes a hash of things. No wonder Jeff Daniels’ shady crime boss eventually loses patience and reaches for his trusty hammer…
Jafar Aladdin (1992)
The Job: Grand Vizier / evil genius
Why They Suck: On the one hand, Jafar is great at cosying up to the Sultan and insinuating himself into a position of trust. However, he fails as an evil genius as soon as he gets his hands on the lamp, when he wastes his first wish on simply becoming the Sultan himself. Aim bigger you muppet!
Seneca Crane The Hunger Games (2012)
The Job: Head Gamesmaker
Why They Suck: He fails to pay attention to the tributes in training, and doesn’t earmark Katniss as a potential troublemaker. Then, by making her Games by far the most challenging, he inadvertently builds her into an anti-authority icon. Needless to say, President Snow is not impressed, and Seneca ends up losing more than just his job.
Mayor Larry Vaughn Jaws (1975)
The Job: Mayor of Amity
Why They Suck: Keeping the tourist board happy is all well and good, and we understand that the Mayor has to take into account the local economy, but how many people will want to use your beach if there’s a man-eating shark on the loose? Not many, we’d wager. Short-sighted.
Johnny Utah Point Break (1990)
The Job: Undercover cop
Why They Suck: Utah breaks pretty much every rule in the book while posing as a surfer dude, including befriending the target, bedding the target’s ex and getting his partner shot. He doesn’t even bring Bodhi into custody at the end, letting him ride off into the waves instead! Shoddy work.
Boba Fett The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
The Job: Bounty Hunter
Why They Suck: Despite his big, bad reputation, Fett is dealt with remarkably easily, a rogue jetpack sending him flying into the Sarlaac Pit. If you’re going to be a professional badass, maybe work on not being such a pratfall-happy clown? Just a thought.
