50 Astonishing Movie Mockbusters
Cheap, cheesy knock-offs made on bargain-bin budgets
The Terminators (2009)
Most Blatant Attempt To Confuse People: Terminators plural? More than one Terminator in a film? Why didn't James Cameron think of this? Oh wait, he did.
Probably Wouldn't Happen In The Proper Film: In a bid to stop the cybernetic terminators from wiping out the human race, a group of survivors – which includes a small-town sheriff and, for some reason, Jeremy London – fly a shuttle to an orbiting space station in order to shut the metal monsters down. And how do they shut them down? By literally flicking a mains switch from ‘ON’ to ‘OFF’.
Hansel & Gretel (2013)
Most Blatant Attempt To Confuse People: In a what could be considered a bit of role reversal, this film has the straight-up title and the big-budget Hollywood version has the trashy post-colon subtitle.
Probably Wouldn't Happen In The Proper Film: In this Saw -like horror version of the tale, one scene sees Hansel begin eating himself before proceeding to rip out his own intestines.
100 Million BC (2008)
Most Blatant Attempt To Confuse People: They just shifted the decimal point a bit to the right.
Probably Wouldn't Happen In The Proper Film: The whole thing really. A group of Navy SEALs travel back in time to a prehistoric age in order to rescue a previous group of explorers. And then, when they come back, they accidentally unleash a dinosaur on to modern-day Los Angeles. All of which makes the film sound more enjoyable than it really is.
Allan Quartermain And The Temple Of Skulls (2008)
Most Blatant Attempt To Confuse People: Allan Quatermain might not ring a bell, but there's a guy on the cover wearing a hat and brandishing a whip. Also, the words 'temple' and 'skulls' appear in the title so... yeah, that's close enough.
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Probably Wouldn't Happen In The Proper Film: Unlike the non-stop adventure of our beloved Indiana Jones movies, the most exciting thing that happens in the first hour of this film is some stock footage of a rhinoceros grazing.
Bikini Spring Break (2012)
Most Blatant Attempt To Confuse People: Taking the proper film's title and then adding an extra emphasis on semi-nudity.
Probably Wouldn't Happen In The Proper Film: Well, this actually bares very little resemblance to the James Franco/Selena Gomez film and is instead a comedy about a all-girl marching band enjoying Spring Break. It is, of course, just an excuse to show lots of boobs covered in water and jelly.
Journey To The Center Of The Earth (2008)
Most Blatant Attempt To Confuse People: IT'S THE EXACT SAME TITLE.
Probably Wouldn't Happen In The Proper Film: The film starts with a group of attractive female researchers partaking in a scientific experiment that goes horribly wrong and causes them to teleport 600km beneath the Earth’s crust. Y’know, just like in Jules Verne’s original book.
H.G. Wells War Of The Worlds (2005)
Most Blatant Attempt To Confuse People: Exactly the same as the Spielberg film, except this one apparently has the author's seal of approval, which is just as good as having Tom Cruise’s name all of the posters.
Probably Wouldn't Happen In The Proper Film: The first meteor has just landed to earth and our hero drives to the site where a crowd has already gathered. Then, as he takes in the awesome sight of the smouldering crater unaware that humankind's survival already hangs in the balance, one unknown woman pipes up: "Smells like ass".
AVH: Alien vs. Hunter (2007)
Most Blatant Attempt To Confuse People: If you go by the acronym alone, this film's title is just one letter out from the film it is cashing in on.
Probably Wouldn't Happen In The Proper Film: In a shocking continuity error, the alien seems to change shape between scenes. From afar, it is a dodgy CGI spider-like creature and up-close, it's just a guy in a rubber suit. Both have unmistakeable Xenomorph-like heads though.
Pirates Of Treasure Island (2006)
Most Blatant Attempt To Confuse People: Surely there's no difference between Captain Jack Sparrow and Lance Henriksen. Pirates are pirates, right?
Probably Wouldn't Happen In The Proper Film: Early on, Long John Silver's famous peg leg is explained as we see his limb get ripped off by giant beetle monster. It's exactly what Robert Louis Stevenson would have wanted.
Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies (2012)
Most Blatant Attempt To Confuse People: Vampires, zombies... who cares, right?
Probably Wouldn't Happen In The Proper Film: Abe bumps into an old lover called Mary Owens, who is now a prostitute and is somehow taking care of a young Theodore Roosevelt. Then, just to make things more awkward, her friend Annika turns into a zombie and Abe shoots her in the head.