The Fifth Element (1997)
Die Hard On A… Luxury Cruiser (Well, The Bit In Space, Anyway).
What Would John McClane Do: McClane versus aliens is surely the next logical step in the Die Hard franchise.
“Welcome to Earth, motherfuckers.” We’re imagining him pulling a District 9 by pinching alien weapons and doing his thing.
Velocity Trap (1999)
Die Hard On A… Spaceship.
What Would John McClane Do: Well, it’s doubtful he would’ve been caught dead in this outfit.
Final Voyage (1999)
Die Hard On A… Ship.
What Would John McClane Do: Never mind that, just having John McClane in this film would have improved it ten-fold.
Under Siege 2: Dark Territory (1995)
Die Hard On A… Train.
What Would John McClane Do: Grow a ponytail (or, alright, wear a wig) and pretend to be Steven Segal.
Because if – in McClane’s world – Die Hard movies don’t exist, who’s going to be his cinematic hero? Segal, naturally.
Hostage (2005)
Die Hard In A… House.
What Would John McClane Do: He may be going under the fake name of Jeff Talley, but that shonky disguise isn’t fooling anybody – the hero in Hostage is definitely John McClane.
He’s even played by Bruce Willis.
Lockout (2012)
Die Hard On A… Space Station.
What Would John McClane Do: John McClane in space!
With that sort of premise, the real question should be, ‘What wouldn’t John McClane do?’
Flightplan (2005)
Die Hard On A… Plane.
What Would John McClane Do: He’d put every single passenger under the spotlight, questioning them until they break in the search for his missing daughter.
Intimidation techniques: using on-flight cutlery as weapons and waterboarding using bottles of Evian.
Crank (2006)
Die Hard In A… City.
What Would John McClane Do: Anything it takes to stay alive.
And considering McClane’s something of an adrenaline junkie, he shouldn’t find it too difficult to keep his adrenaline levels up.
He is the king of wrong-place-wrong-time of course, meaning he’d just have to go sit in a café and wait for things to start exploding.
Nick Of Time (1995)
Die Hard In A… Hotel.
What Would John McClane Do: He’d try to talk himself out of committing a hit for Mr. Smith (Christopher Walken) and Ms. Jones (Roma Maffia), but no doubt he’d fail.
He’s a wily fella, though, which means he’d find some way to twist the situation to his advantage. Bullets generally seem to do the trick.
The Tower (2012)
Die Hard In A… Luxury Residential Skyscraper.
What Would John McClane Do: What he did in Die Hard – this South Korean film is basically an Eastern version of that 1988 classic, spliced with a healthy dose of The Towering Inferno.
Minus the terrorists.
