Crank 2: High Voltage (17 April)
Scowly king of tough Jason Statham is back to hunt down his own stolen heart using only his powers of super-demented action. And a car battery (to keep his makeshift ticker going. Really).
If this film was a summer holiday…
Drug-fuelled banger tour
A frenzied trawl through the American heartland in an old Chevy convertible – flash, but aging – which breaks down and needs jump-starting in every town. Madness, adrenaline and the occassional strip-club stop-off power you through.
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X-Men Origins: Wolverine (29 April)
Strap on your claws for another slash at the not-what-it-once-was X-Men franchise. With the best X-Man to the fore, Jackman’s charisma should carry this one.
If this film was a summer holiday…
Roadie-ing for a Ringo Starr solo tour
The band have broken up, but the big man is striking out alone and you’re going to be right there with him. This isn’t going to be as good as The Beatles – it’s going to be even better! Definitely!
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Synecdoche, New York (15 May)
The infinite regress of realism. Always good for a laugh. Well, it is when Charlie Kaufman's in charge and the laughter is the bruised song of existential crisis. Philip Seymour Hoffman’s sadsack theatre director remakes New York, and falls into his own fiction.
If this film was a summer holiday…
Hippy weekender
A weekend of flotation tanks, sandals and getting in touch with yourself. Meditate too hard and there’s a chance you’ll disappear up your own backside – therapeutically speaking – but if you keep everything in perspective this promises to be a hell of a journey.
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Ice Age: Dawn Of The Dinosaurs (1 July)
In 3D this time, so the little squirrelly thing with the nut can jump right onto your face. Dinosaurs aim to liven up what is still the only digital animation worth a spit outside of Pixar and Dreamworks.
If this film was a summer holiday…
Natural History Museum - with spectacles on
The first visit to the natural history museum after you’ve had your eyes checked and realised, for the first time in your 20-plus years, that’s you’re chronically myopic. Now, with new glasses, you can finally see the dinosaurs and other ancient animals properly, for the first time.
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Broken Embraces (28 August)
Pedro Almodovar's movies haven't dipped below 'incredible' in ages, and he's given Penelope Cruz her best roles, so this Spanish-language melodrama of family and accidents should be glorious: tense, sexy, intelligent and dramatic.
If this film was a summer holiday
The continental adventure
Desperate for a break, you book yourself (and your mum) on a long weekend in Lanzarote. Somehow the beach goes wrong and before you know it you're drunk on red wine, hot, lost, covered in salty sweat, and mostly naked. And your mum's still with you.
Funny People (28 August)
The Apatow product of the summer arrives! Adam Sandler stars, and gets a chance to show how funny he is in a drama. The plot sounds all schmaltz - a cranky comic, a terminal illness, a developing friendship - but experience and an ace support cast (Seth Rogen, Eric Bana) says that this will sharper and smarter than that.
If this film was a summer holiday…
The mates' reunion
You're staying in a rustic French gite with a group of old uni friends, anxious that you might not all get along together as well as you used to. You drink until you can’t see and are getting along famously, before a mate breaks some tragic news that you’re so overwhelmed by you just can't stop laughing. Awkward.
